Separation in Australia

There are different types of separation such a legal separation, trial separation, informally separated and living apart, or separated under the same roof.

Often separation involves grief and loss, confusion, anger and sometimes relief. These emotions are normal and can vary over time. Emotions can be back and forth, there is no fast track to processing these emotions associated with separation.

Common reasons for separation can often be attributed to communication breakdown, infidelity, financial stress, diverging life goals, interference from extended families, cultural reasons, or not sharing the same visions and values.

Self-care is important during separation. Here are some things you can do to help you cope.

• Maintaining routines, seeking social support, engaging in healthy activities and prioritising your mental and physical health is important.  
• Seek professional support from counsellors, therapists, support groups, to navigate emotions and decisions effectively.
• Seeking legal support and guidance to understand your rights, responsibilities and potential outcomes related to separation, especially regarding children and finances.

Practical Considerations During Separation

Co-parenting

Discuss strategies for co-parenting during separation, including communication guidelines, shared decision making if appropriate and sustainable, and maintaining children’s wellbeing.

Financial planning

Understanding financial obligations, seek support from financial counsellors. This is a free service and can be easily accessed. Financial counsellors are qualified professionals who provide information, advice and advocacy to people in financial difficulty. Financial counsellors are non-judgemental, independent and confidential.

Some Facts on Separation and Children

• Children are always affected
• The degree of how they cope often depends on what they see happening between their parents
• Children are not equipped to deal with complex relationships
• Children should always be shielded from the adult concepts surrounding separation.
• Children don’t need to know the in-depth happenings within the family.
• Don’t lie to your child, answer their questions as truthfully as you can, consider only giving the bare facts in answer to their questions.
• It is ok to tell your child that you are not sure what it happening, that you are sad too, that you understand they are sad. This is validating their feelings.
• Try and give encouraging statements such as ‘I can see this is difficult for you and it makes you sad. Things will improve with time. One thing won’t change and that is my love for you and I am committed to making things better for us’.
• Try and encourage the relationship with the other parent if appropriate and sustainable.
• Children will often tell you what they think you want to hear. They don’t want to have to choose between their parents, don’t put them in the middle. If you are too scared to speak with the other parent, chances are your child will feel exactly the same.
• Try and make changeover as pleasant as possible. Changeover is not the time to make plans, it should be short and as polite as possible. Don’t make your child do the ‘walk of shame’ – walking a long distance to get from one parent to the other because the parents find it too hard to see each other.
• It is the responsibility of both parents to keep their child safe, emotionally, mentally and physically.

There are organisations and services to support families through separation for the purposes of mediation and emotional support, parenting support and programs, and engaging with children through age appropriate interventions and therapy.

Family Connect and Support

Discovery Accounting

Tried and Tested Parenting Support Groups

Parenting after Separation /Managing after Separation

Circle of Security

Tuning into Teens

1, 2, 3 Magic Parenting

Triple P

Separation is a difficult time for most people. Ensure you are well supported, don’t venture into ‘rebound’ relationships in an attempt to forget what is happening in your life. Keep focussed on the child and how they might change due to separation, source good supports for yourself and your child. Don’t turn to substances to make you feel better, they don’t solve anything and will affect your mental health. Most importantly, remember you are a role model, your child will see and copy everything you do, they may be able to go to social media when they are older and find things that they shouldn’t see or read.

Always be kind to yourself.